NBC's To Catch A Predator's Star Chirs Hansen to Apologize to the NHL's Nashville Predators Organization After Decoy Misunderstanding...

Special to Theater of Giants: Baron Munchausen's Beat
by Dagrolord Del Oro

Nashville Predators’ star forward Radek Bonk thought he was fulfilling the wish of a dying child when he had teammate Vernon Fiddler drive Fiddler’s Hummer to Elm Street in Antioch- a tree-lined suburb of the Music City. Bonk is a native of the Czech Republic and freely admits ‘my English good is not’. It was in part the desire to improve his English that led Bonk- whom Predator teammates teasingly call ‘Yoda’- to his own Nightmare on Elm Street.

An interpreter for the NHL powerhouse Predators describes what happened thusly. “Radek volunteers regularly for Predators Community Outreach Programs such as Big Brothers and ‘Chat With A Predator’. Chat With A Predator if a very popular format that allows fans the opportunity for online conversation directly with members of the Predators Organization. Because of his limited English, Radek usually had help from one of his teammates, in case Radek had a question of language or grammar. Fellow Predator forward and good friend Vernon Fiddler was assisting Radek when Fiddler received a cell phone call. Owing to poor reception inside the building,. Fiddler explained to Radek that he was going outside to take the call.”

According to sources at NBC’s To Catch A Predator, 18 year-old intern and Alabama native Amanda Bellings was only a week on the job when she accepted the assignment to pose online as under-aged sweetmeat. Sources say that Chris Hansen himself had been very impressed with Bellings and considered her to be ‘one sharp cookie.’ A producer chose Bellings to be part of the Nashville, Tennessee To Catch A Predator assignment because Bellings was a Southerner herself and would seem to Nashvillians less like ‘a Goddamn Yankee.’ Bellings said she awas given the chat handle Sick_4BigStik and was told to log into Yahoo Chat Nashville Regional. Bellings said it was her job to pose as a decoy to ‘lure in’ child predators.

“I like tried really, really hard for like days,” Bellings said. “But like guys just weren’t interested. Even when I said that I was only 15 and that I really, really wanted to suck off their cocks and stuff, they kept telling me, ‘No way Jose, you’re probably a decoy for To Catch A Predator. LOL.’ I felt really, really awful. I told them I had like big boobies and would take it all the way up the ass, but still nothing. The guys would just type back stuff like ‘No way. Say hello to Chris Hansen for me. LOL.’”

“I was afraid Mr. Hansen would like fire me,” Bellings said. “So I like well you know got on Google. Sure enough, I found like a whole organization of predators. Boy, was I like surprised to find predators so blatantly organized! You know, with like their own chat server and stuff?”

“Radek was waiting for Vernon Fiddler to return from his cell call, when the instant message came in,” said the Predators interpreter. “You have to understand that Radek had previously been with Vernon on several hospital and home visitations to present very ill and dying children with gift baskets from the Predators Organization. When the message from ‘Sick_4BigStik‘ popped up, Radek responded as best he could. Radek actually thought by the manner in which the child was begging that the child was close to death. Radek wrote down the address the child gave him. Radek then located Vernon Fiddler in the parking lot and insisted that Vernon drive him right away to the child’s house. Vernon told Radek that they should wait until daylight, but Radek insisted that they must go right away.”

“The predator guy was so hot for my little cooze, he like drove over to see me right away,” Bellings said with seeming pride. “He was like tall and good-looking and I felt like you know kinda bad in a way. But in another way, the guy had seemed pretty damn proud to be a predator, and he’s like telling me his name is ‘Bonk’, if you can believe that. So I thought you know, like fuck Bonk and the Hummer he rode in on.”

“Radek and Vernon both went to the door together,” said a Predators spokesman. “They heard Amanda Bellings giggle. Belllings then told them she wasn’t expecting two Predators and to come inside and wait in the living room while she finished her shower. Radek and Vernon came in and took a seat. Vernon found Bellings flirtacious but disembodied voice odd and was calling the Predators Community Relations Director when Chris Hansen walked into the living room and melodramatically introduced himself.”

“It was a very unfortunate misunderstanding,” said NBC spokesman Blake Neiverquist. “NBC deeply regrets any alarum to Mr. Bonk, Mr. Fiddler, their families, the NHL, the Nashville Predators, the State of Tennessee, and to the City of Nashville. Chris Hansen will cover his own medical expenses and no charges will be pursued. Mr. Hansen and the producers of To Catch A Predator apologize to one and all. To Catch A Predator further promises to set in motion infrastructure that will keep such misunderstandings from ever happening again. Thank you.”